random notes

Quella domanda tremenda al Papa

...
«Santo Padre, perché Dio, se è buono e onnipotente, permette che malattie come la mia colpiscano persone innocenti?». Un bambino in sedia a rotelle, ammalato di cancro, è riuscito a consegnare un bigliettino, con scritto il suo drammatico interrogativo, a Benedetto XVI mentre il papa usciva oggi dal Monastero dell’Escorial, nella Sierra a Nord di Madrid.
...

...
hon, even if it is not requested
I'll try to answer you
for the very very little I have learned
so far in my own life

I come from a family where more or less
half die of cancer, and half die of hart problems
so for one of the halves that pertains to your case
I want to share with you
what I understood with the years
in the reasoning and meditation over death and dying
and watching the people who died around me
...
first of all, "don't give up"
I know of a girl friend of my life partner
who regressed out of blood cancer
and is living an almost normal life
she happens to actually be a children master librarian
so, first of all, fight it to the best of your capacity
feel good about yourself, chin up
keep up your self-esteem, learn as much as you can
don't stop dreaming, learning, planning, playing
don't stop hoping and don't stop crying
and don't fear, "never" fear,
"exercise" your mind to overcome your fears
I'll tell you later why
...
then I want to share some experience
of a little boy, just a bit older than you
when I was a little boy like you
people thought it was good to lie to children
because they were all afraid
children would have been scared by the truth of things

now that I am old, I feel betrayed by the generations that grew us up
I feel betrayed by the lies of my own older kin and blood
I feel betrayed by having to concentrate to deprogram myself
of the stupid "good intention" lies their subliminal hypocrisy planted in my unconscious
not that I don't love their memory, I am grateful for what they did
and they are all gone now, but I still admire their generosity and help
not that I don't understand their concerns, of keeping me happy through ignorance

what I find dishonest however, is that
in their knowledgeable, competent and titled ignorance
they "thought" it could have been good for me not to know the truth
and guess what, as I said, I feel "offended"
smalltalk is the last thing I want to hear in life
...
so I am not going to give you a fantasy tale answer
because I perfectly understand
that if you can formulate that question at five
you are a very smart boy
"and" I have known a lot of smart people in my life, let me tell you
"and" I could read the newspaper at three years old
so I understand your feeling
even if I did not experience personally
severe sickness and pain, until later in life

when you are surrounded by people that think
that their mission is keeping you happy and ignorant
again, I don't want to argue,
I know now enough to realize I don't hold any holy truth
at difference of some
"but" to be treated in a way that is an insult to my intelligence
with a lot of illogical smalltalk
really upsets me
...
so let me tell you a bit what I learned in my adventure
regarding the answer for your question
people call "god" what they can not control outside of their senses
something they can not see, hear, touch, smell and taste
people call "god" as the one who builds what they can not create
such as thunders, lightnings, earthquakes, tsunamis and volcano eruptions
planets motions, orbits, space impacts, comets, meteorites
people call "god" what they yet don't know
the death before life and the life after death
"supposed" they may exist in some forms
and here just by definition, since it is "unknown"
anything unexplainable is generally attributed to "god"
"a handy solution" used for different purposes
and some more or less merciful and some more or less hypocrite

now the concept of a "good" "god" that does good things
requires also an "evil" "god" that does bad things
this reasoning fault results from looking at "god" as a person
however if you set aside such "simplistic" concepts
of good and evil and an old man in the skies with a white beard
and if you set aside other "disputable" concepts
such as that only humans have a soul
you will discover around you a new world of knowledge
invisible to the "superficial" eyes of the dogma
and then you will find yourself having interesting conversations
with the duck, the cat, the bird, the dog and the horse
they don't have a very big vocabulary
but they can understand you with time, and you can understand them
they can not "only" understand your voice
they can "even" understand your feelings
I can see that when I am sick, the cat comes over and lies next to me
I don't have to tell him anything, I don't call him
he "feels" my suffering, and comes close
so as far as I am concerned he has more soul of many people I know

then you will feel in the wind and the water and the clouds
a whole presence surrounding you with a touch of unity and grandness
good, bad, is just "our" perception
if the tsunami is on the open sea
is not as bad as when it wipes out cities
and kills millions of people
the tsunami is not inherently bad or good
is a byproduct of the mechanics of this universe in this little blue planet
if we were on the right place the tsunami would not cause any problem
our little tiny planet, a bread crumb in the ocean of the universe
"the real problem is human ignorance"

at our birth we are modeled on genetic inherited blueprints
we just get those traits from our parents in certain percentages
our genes and our germs are not inherently good or bad one by one
our system of reproduction is built for maximum survival capacity of the species
over mathematical combinations and permutation
of extremely large matrices, like huge crosswords
if the type of "good omnipotent god" existed
instead than by evolution and adaptation we would evolve by engineering
and we would be omnipotent living forever too just as him
since the religions of the anthropomorphic god state
"we are built at his image"
"but" since the real variables of the universe are so wide in number
that "not even" mathematics can come close to compute them
we are "barely" understanding "some steps" out of empirical models

our life is a system in which battle a number of agents
when the cancer cells win we die
but if the good cell win we survive
when the cells are young we live
when the cells are old we die
now doctors can help us
and so can veterinarians
and pharmacists
and radiologists
and there are better and worse of each
and nobody knows all the solutions
because new discoveries are made everyday
is an ongoing battle
you have good young cells and bad cancer cells
you are young, and at your age
you have the highest possibilities
that your body may fight cancer, hopefully successfully
that is why is not the case to give up
...
now as I told you about exorcizing your fears
if we are a series of combination of little tiny blocks
sooner or later in the infinite times of infinite cycles of infinite universes
after death, we should reoccur more or less mathematically
not as mind or as thoughts or as feelings
but as body
I have not found any evidence in life
of eternity of souls
souls are an effect of a functioning body
and when we die our soul dies with our body
goes to sleep for a second that is equal to a million years
since time is relative to existence
not to combination of a blueprint or algorithm
and whenever our combination reoccurs
we get to live an entire new soul
"maybe" we may be affected in special circumstances
from harmonics bouncing around emptiness from other lives ?
possible, unknown

so, as some ask, and as many have felt
our body combination of little tiny blocks
may have died and may have been born many times
in a never ending story
so the only things to fear
are suffering and fears themselves
...
I hope you may not suffer too much, my little friend
and I hope you may get better
I just tell you what I always try to tell myself
even if with time it becomes harder and harder
"resist"
and when you are sad, look at the stars
and if you can look at the peace of the oceans
smell the flavors of plants and flowers
talk to the animals around you
feel the beauty of nature

and learn as much as you can
ask questions to everybody you see
sometimes they won't like your questions
but the more you ask and the more you learn
never stop questioning things,
never stop even asking "yourself" questions
...

amun(ra)
:)